Do you know a joke?

Billy and Bally need help with their terrible jokes! Do you know any that are better than theirs?
Here are some that Billy and Bally like to get you started:

Billy: Knock! Knock!
Bally: Who’s there?
Billy: Cows go!
Bally: Cows go, who?
Billy: No! Cows go moo!

A man goes to see the doctor and says, “Doctor! Doctor! I think I’m a pair of curtains”
So the doctor says, “Pull yourself together man!”

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with!

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn’t been invented then!

A chicken hops on to a librarian’s desk and says “Book!”
The librarian gives the chicken a book, which it tucks under its wing and leaves.
A little while later the chicken returns with the book, hops onto the desk and says “Book! Book!”
The librarian gives the chicken two books, one under each wing, and it leaves.
A little while later the chicken brings the two books back, hops onto the desk and says “Book! Book! Book!”
The librarian gives the chicken three books, one under each wing and one in its beak, and the chicken leaves. This time the librarian follows the chicken all across town until they come to a pond where there is a frog who takes one look at the books the chicken has brought and says “Redit! Redit! Redit!”

Share your jokes with your friends. If you think Billy and Bally might like them why don’t you send them to us? Just click the comment link below!

Teacher notes:
Jokes have many different forms and structures – Doctor! Doctor! Knock! Knock! There is often a principle like the “rule of three” (the “rule of three” is a principle in writing that suggests that things that come in threes are inherently funnier, more satisfying, or more effective than other numbers of things – see here for more information),  and English is rich in words with more than one meaning. Puns can confuse, delight and cause us to collectively groan. They can be short stories that have a series of conventions in the telling, and it usually is about telling, an oral tradition that encourages sharing.

Written down perhaps they lose something (see the librarian/chicken joke above!), but they can be used to practice punctuation and direct speech.

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Bally and Billy’s song

This is Bally and Billy’s song from the programme…

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Music Ideas

Listen to different types of music. Try abstract painting while the music plays, shapes, colours, textures, remember you can paint with all sorts of different things, wood, sponge, feathers, metal combs, fingers etc. You could even glue in different things depending on what the music suggests to you.

How does it make us feel? Why?
Listening to the different types of music put them under headings, “sad”, “lonely” etc.
How can we make someone sad feel happy?

The videos below feature some suggestions of different types of evocative music. They could also be used in movement and dance work. Perhaps start small, sitting, listening with eyes closed and just move hands to the music (this might lead into painting, see above). If appropriate try full body movement.

  • Russian Dance from The Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky. (Joyful, fast paced)
  • Four Seasons: Winter (Largo) by Vivaldi. (Calming, peaceful)

  • The Swan from Carnival of the Animals by Saint-Saens. (Sad and mournful)

    The following are some further suggestions of evocative music:

    • Fingal’s Cave from The Hebredian Suite by Mendelsshon (calm, building to a storm)
    • Mars from The Planets by Holst (aggressive building to a frenetic climax)
    • Prelude a l’ Apres midi d’une Faune by Claude Debussy (mysterious, ghostly)
    • Saturn from The Planets by Holst (sad and mournful)
    • Morning Noon and Night in Vienna, Poet and Peasant by Suppe (sad and subdued)
    • Eine Kleine Nachtmusic by Mozart (bright, gentle and calming)
    • Overture to Le Nozze di Figaro by Mozart (bright, uplifting)
    • Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky (various movements celebratory or sad)
    • Arrival of the Queen of Sheba by Handel (bright and happy)
    • Night on a Bare Mountain by Mussorgky (mystical with powerful chords)
    • Oh Fortuna from Carmina Burana by Orff (dramatic, tense quiet with loud bursts)
    • Carnival from Suite de Ballet in E-Flat by Holst (celebratory, lively)
    • Overture to Ruslan and Ludmilla by Glinka (excited and celebratory)
    • Polovtsian Dances by Borodin (bold and expansive dancing music)
    • Sabre Dance by Khachaturian (very excitable and fast dancing music)
    • Promenade by Mussorgsky (proud and stately)
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    Some stories to tell at story time or for assembly. Perhaps try acting the story out with a narrator or series of narrators.

    The Mean Man
    There once was a mean man who thought only of himself until one night he had a dream. In the dream he was taken to visit the best place and the worst place to live in the world. He went to the worst place first. He arrived to see everybody sat at a huge table filled with gorgeous foods from all over the world. A bell rang and all the people picked up the giant chopsticks with which they were going to eat reaching out across the table to pick up the delicious food. But the chopsticks were so long they couldn’t get the food in their mouths dropping it on each other, poking each other’s eyes with the ends of the chop sticks and elbowing each other in the ribs. Soon everything was covered in food and the people were still hungry and very angry. Next the mean man went to the best place in the world where he was surprised to see a table that was exactly the same. ”How can this be?” he thought. When the bell rang and the feast began the people around the table picked up the giant chopsticks as before, but this time they put food in the mouths of the people on the opposite side of the table. Lots of food was dropped and the table was a mess but everyone was laughing.

    The mean man woke up from his dream very worried. He spent a long time thinking about what the dream meant and when he got to the end of his thinking he decided to try and be less mean.

    The Lion and the Mouse
    Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him. This soon woke the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. “Pardon, O great lion,” cried the little Mouse, “forgive me this time, I shall never forget it. Who knows, I may be able to do you a good turn one of these days?”. The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him that he lifted up his paw and let him go. Sometime after, the Lion was caught in a trap, and the hunters who desired to carry him alive to the King, tied him to a tree while they went in search of a wagon to carry him on. Just then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad plight of the Lion, went up to him and soon gnawed away the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts. “Was I not right?” said the little Mouse.

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    Here are some poems on the themes in No Kidding. Perhaps you could try writing your own poems on friends, falling out, sharing and arguments.

    A see-saw only works
    if you’ve got a friend
    on the other end.
    Tony Langham


    I’ve discovered a way to stay friends forever-
    There’s really nothing to it.
    I simply tell you what to do
    And you do it!
    Shel Silverstein

    They called me frog-face with ears like a bat.
    I said, “I’m not – I’m worse than that”.
    They called me rat-nose with a tongue like a shoe.
    I said, “Is that the best you can do?”
    They call me mouse-eyes, skunk-breath, dog head.
    I said, “I’m worse than all that you’ve said”
    They said. “It’s no fun calling you a name”.
    I called, “That’s a pity – I’m enjoying this game”.
    Charles Thomson

    Write about a special friend. What is it about them that makes them special?
    If each child finds one good thing to say about each of their class mates you will have a class full of positive poems and each child will have 30 positive comments about themselves.
    Or try the acrostic structure:

    Every way



    These are some we wrote (very) quickly. I’m sure your children could do better!

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